RAPIDINHAS

Some Brazilian women and gays alike have complained about the unfairness between sexes. While in Brazil there are plenty of women revealing it all for men to see, man as object is still a much rarer commodity in the country. Answering their prayers, SG Editora is bringing out a new publication this month called Homem, whose main purpose is to show men in every conceivable state of undress. It is more than a little ironic that the same name was used for many years by Brazilian Playboy, since the generals that governed the country wouldn't allow the real name to show on the cover. "Homem is a magazine for all those who love naked males," says Marcelo Moraes, who acknowledges that their main public will be the gay community.

Ever-popular macho man soccer player Renato Portaluppi, better known as Renato Gaúcho, was contacted to be the première issue's coverboy. There was just a little detail delaying a final OK: $1 million. That's what Rio's Fluminense club player had asked for to bare himself in front of the camera. The fledgling publication was trying to get a sponsor to raise the amount. The rumors about the possible deal, however, worked as a publicity stunt, at least.

In Brazil the appearance of naked men on prime-time soap operas has been frequent, although far from routine, as it is for naked women. In Rio, plays and shows exhibiting naked bodies are common. The Os Leopardos show, for example, in which one of the performers strode the stage with a full erection, was a gay and straight couple's tourist attraction for years.

Édson Celulari, one of the country's most respected theater-movie-and-TV actors, has often been in the buff in novelas (soap operas) and on stage. He even stirred some controversy interpreting Emperor Caligula in the play of same name. "Censorship against the naked body comes from Adam and Eve times," he says. "As an actor, I have to work the human nature, be it morally, psychologically or physically."

Celulari is now shooting Jorge Amado's Dona Flor e Seus Dois Maridos (Madam Flor and Her Two Husbands) in which he plays the rascal Vadinho. The actor complains, "I am having trouble with the naked scenes. There are too many curious people around."

The male nakedness has of late invaded movie theaters, which are exhibiting O Homem Nu (The Naked Man). Directed by Hugo Carvana and based on a short story by Fernando Sabino, O Homem Nu tells the adventures of a man who after a night of love with his lover goes out of his apartment to pick up the morning home-delivered bread and gets locked outside. Cláudio Marzo, the film's protagonist, complains about all the fuss about the naked body: "We have a highly moralistic society that sees immorality in the genitalia. This is stupid. Men are all born naked. They only die dressed."

It was the biggest protest Brasília has seen since President Fernando Henrique Cardoso's inauguration on January 1995. On March 17, after a two-month march in three distinct columns coming from Governador Valadares (Minas Gerais), Rondonópolis (Mato Grosso), and São Paulo, a crowd of 2,000 landless peasants, under torrential rains, waving red flags, and holding knifes and sickles, entered the capital in triumph.

The marchers were received with flowers, food and applause, and soon another 30,000 people, mostly workers, joined in a parade that took over the Praça dos Três Poderes (Three Powers Square). And Cardoso, who had hoped and bet the protest wouldn't come that far, opened the door of his cabinet to receive the leaders of the MST (Movimento dos Trabalhadores Rurais Sem-Terra — Landless Rural Workers Movement).

From the President, the organizers got a promise to do his best to convince the legislators to approve projects that will accelerate the agrarian reform process. Less than happy after talking to Cardoso, João Pedro Stédile, MST's intellectual leader, told reporters what he said to the President, "We came here to tell you what people think about your government and that your puxa-sacos (brown-noses, literally scrotum pullers) don't tell you." Always the diplomat, sociologist Fernando Henrique didn't miss a beat or a smile and cooed: "If I weren't sitting in this chair I would be out there with you."

A poll by IBOPE (Instituto Brasileiro de Opinião Pública e Estatística — Brazilian Institute of Public Opinion and Statistics), Brazil's most-respected polling organization, shows the MST is riding a wave of popularity. Eighty-eight percent of Brazilians believe that all unproductive land should be confiscated and given to the landless. And 85 percent think that land invasion, as long as there is no violence, is a valid way of pressuring the government into action.

The landless, according to political observers, have become the only effective and organized opposition to the government in Brazil these days. They know their power and intend to increase the rhythm of land invasions. There are 44,000 families camping on unproductive lands right now. The MST, which is celebrating its 15^th anniversary this year, intends to raise this number to 200,000 by year's end.

The opposition parties on the left are hurriedly trying to jump on their bandwagon. PT (Partido dos Trabalhadores — Workers Party) leader and twice-presidential candidate Luiz Inácio da Silva, better known as Lula, received the marchers with a cheering and opportunist speech: "This act is the opposition's answer so the President will notice that we exist." And he went on: "The 1994 elections were held not to elect a monarch, a despot, a dictator."

MST leader José Rainha Júnior was even more incisive and much less forgiving when addressing Agrarian Reform Minister Raul Jungmann: "Look here, Jungmann, you scoundrel. You said we would not make half of our march, but here we are today."

It was a farewell worth of a Mafia novel or movie. Castor de Andrade, 71, Rio's once all-powerful jogo do bicho (animal numbers game) capo was still on deathwatch vigil at Mocidade Independente de Padre Miguel samba school when word came that his private safe had been cracked. The culprit: Ana Cristina Bastos Moreira, 34, the mother of the bicheiro's two youngest sons and his lover for the past 17 years.

The couple had recently reconciled but were not living together. A year ago Ana Cristina accused Castor of murders and police bribery. He responded by charging that she promoted sexual orgies with plenty of cocaine in front of her small children. Since 1993, after being condemned by Judge Denise Frossard for racketeering and creation of an armed gang, Castor's power had diminished considerably. Due to his ill health he was serving his prison sentence at home.

The jogo do bicho has become a national institution, but it is in Rio that the illegal activity thrives in conjunction with the traffic of drugs. The animal lottery has daily drawings and people can participate with as little as 25 cents. In the big cities, number runners come to the offices to get bets and pay the prizes, which range from $5,000 to $100,000. The informal system has as much credibility as the legal lottery.

The jogo do bicho started as an innocent pastime for visitors to the Rio Zoo. In creating the lottery in 1888, Baron João Batista Viana Drummond wanted to raise funds to maintain the place. The tickets carried the image of 25 different animals. The prize was 20 times the price of the ticket. Soon the game would hit the streets. Even though it's been illegal since 1945, the game's popularity continues unabated `til this day.

Many Brazilians know by heart all the animals and the numbers connected to them. It is because of this alphabetical list, for example, that the number 24 (veado = deer, but also homosexual) in Brazil is synonymous of queer. Here is the complete list:

01. Avestruz (ostrich) 01 02 03 04

02. Águia (eagle) 05 06 07 08

03. Burro (donkey) 09 10 11 12

04. Borboleta (butterfly) 13 14 15 16

05. Cachorro (dog) 17 18 19 20

06. Cabra (she-goat) 21 22 23 24

07. Carneiro (sheep) 25 26 27 28

08. Camelo (camel) 29 30 31 32

09. Cobra (snake) 33 34 35 36

10. Coelho (rabbit) 37 38 39 40

11. Cavalo (horse) 41 42 43 44

12. Elefante (elephant) 45 46 47 48

13. Galo (rooster) 49 50 51 52

14. Gato (cat) 53 54 55 56

15. Jacaré (cayman) 57 58 59 60

16. Leão (lion) 61 62 63 64

17. Macaco (monkey) 65 66 67 68

18. Porco (pig) 69 70 71 72

19. Pavão (peacock) 73 74 75 76

20. Peru (turkey) 77 78 79 80

21. Touro (bull) 81 82 83 84

22. Tigre (tiger) 85 86 87 88

23. Urso (bear) 89 90 91 92

24. Veado (deer) 93 94 95 96

25. Vaca (cow) 97 98 99 00

For 12 years, from 1965 to 1977, Walter Clark was the emperor of Brazilian TV. Invited by Globo TV's owner Roberto Marinho to manage his fledgling television station, Clark would transform it into a virtual monopoly. In 1965, Globo had a mere 9 percent of the Brazilian audience pie. By 1977, when Clark was fired allegedly for alcohol and cocaine abuse, the share of the Rio TV station had skyrocketed to 80 percent.

Far from power for so many years, Clark ended up dying alone at age 60 in his penthouse in Fonte da Saudade, a neighborhood on the southern side of Rio, the same apartment used for Arnaldo Jabor's movie Eu Te Amo (I Love You). Cause of death: a heart attack caused by a hypertension crisis.

He was the creator of programs like Fantástico and Globo Repórter, which are still very successful. It was also his idea to sandwich the prime-time news show Jornal Nacional between two novelas (soap operas). Not that good at programming, he invited José Bonifácio de Oliveira Sobrinho, the Boni, to help him. Together they formed the team known as Boni and Clark, an allusion to the Arthur Penn movie Bonnie and Clyde. Clark never forgave Boni — the man responsible for the so-called Globo standard of quality — for taking up his post when he left.

A womanizer, Clark had affairs with dozens of women, among them actresses Dina Sfat and Sônia Braga. He also married four times and had children with all his wives, producing a total of five offspring. After leaving Globo, he tried several comebacks with other TV stations without success. Friends say he had gone back to drinking over the last few months.

The recent premature return of the Columbia space shuttle due to an energy generator problem left many experiments incomplete, including the first one by Brazilian scientists. The researchers hoped to accelerate the study of the Chagas' disease caused by the parasite Trypanosoma cruzi, which afflicts 20 million people in Latin America. The work had been prepared by São Carlos USP (São Paulo University) Laboratório de Cristalografia de Proteínas (Protein Crystallography Laboratory) in partnership with the Alabama University. The disappointment, however, was short lived. NASA has promised that the whole experiment will be reconducted when the next shuttle mission is launched on May 15, and then once again when Columbia goes back to space on June 15.

Since 1940 the number of municipalities in Brazil has more than tripled. From 1,574 in 1940, they increased to 4,189 by 1988. Since then, thanks to a new constitution that makes it much easier for cities to incorporate as townships, this process has accelerated. Brazil today has 5,508 municipalities. But many of the new communities are already broke since they were counting on increased help from the federal government, something that never materialized.

The latest figures from IBGE (Instituto Brasileiro de Geografia e Estatística _ Brazilian Institute of Geography and Statistics) show that Brazil's GNP (Gross National Product) grew 2.9% in 1996, raising it to $752 billion. This slow growth is disappointing and didn't even keep pace with 1995 (4.3%) and 1994 (6.0%), which were not considered so great either. The per capita income is now $4,764 a year, meaning that every Brazilian would have a monthly check of $397 if the money were shared equally among the population.

Are you a man looking for "a live and gorgeous woman who will make you a true man"? That is the question Cologne-based, German matchmaking agency Brasil Exclusiv asked its clients who were in search of a companion. For those who said yes they offered a $100 videotape in which Brazilian women strut their goodies in revealing bikinis. The next step for those interested in one of the women profiled is to have her flown to his home in Germany for the amount of $5,000.

Norbert Kellner, the German entrepreneur who created the service, is himself married to a Brazilian. The German police, however, suspects that what he is peddling is prostitution in disguise and started investigating his company. German women are also fuming at Kellner. On Brasil Exclusiv's pamphlets he describes German women as "gray and sad rats, tasteless and lifeless people."

Retiring from public service with full pension after just 11 years of work? Typical Brazilian perk you might think. That's what happened to Domitila and Dona Beja, two hard workers at Rio's Conlurb. But these two worked as mules. In reality they were mules, the last two that were being used to collect trash in Rio de Janeiro. A tractor will now take their places. In the Zoo, where they will spend their golden years, Beja and Domitila were received with cheers and a hay cake.

Coach Carlos Alberto Parreira, the man behind Brazil's victory in soccer's World Cup in Los Angeles in 1994, is feeling at home in New York, where he moved recently. He is the Metro-Stars soccer team's new coach and his mission is to make them the next national champion. Accustomed to less well-behaved fan crowds, Parreira is mostly impressed by the Yankee fans' civility and good manners. "These are educated and nonviolent people. It is a public who is looking to be entertained. They come to the games with their wives and children. This is not like Brazil."

Census data from 1990 recently published by USA Today show that Portuguese is spoken by 429,860 people in the U.S., enough to make it the 10^th most popular foreign language in the country. It loses only to Spanish (17,339,172), French (1,702,176), German (1,547,099), Italian (1,308,648), Chinese (1,249,213), Tagalog (843,251), Polish (723,483), Korean (626,478), and Vietnamese (507,069).

Brazil comes in 10^th place in the world among countries with the largest number of cellular phones, after the U.S., Japan, England, Italy, Germany, Australia, Canada, South Korea and Sweden. According to the Washington Post, with 2 million cellulars Brazilians are placed right after Sweden, which has 2.2 million. There is a small difference, however. While 24.4% of Swedes own cellular phones (the highest ratio in the world), in Brazil a mere 1.2% of the population have them. Good news for AT&T and its foes.

Even before releasing its first CD, the Paulista (from São Paulo) band known by the mean-nothing weird moniker Os Virgulóides has become a sensation, rising to the top of the charts all over the country. This by the sheer strength of their contagious sound and without any help from marketing or payola.

Originally from the poor neighborhood of Cidade Dutra, in the southern zone of São Paulo, the band (Paulo Jiraya, Beto DeMoreaux, and Henrique Lima) with irreverence and risqué lyrics mixes samba and rock in a combination that is captivating the younger public. Virgulóides, their first CD, is now out. The disc's hottest cut is Bagulho no Bumba (Joint in the Bus) that uses a public domain melody sung by soccer fans and lots of slang practiced in the suburbs. A sample:

Nessa bumba
Eu não ando mais
Acharam um bagulho
No banco de trás

O motorista se levantou
Falou que o bagulho
Era do cobrador

E o cobrador
Muito invocado
Falou que o bagulho
É de quem tá sentado

É, é, é,
Eu acho que o bagulho
É de quem tá de pé!

In this bus
I don't ride anymore
They have found a joint
On the back seat

The driver got up,
Said that the joint
Was from the fare collector

The fare collector
Mad as a hornet
Said that the joint
Is from those sitting down

Yeah, yeah, yeah
I think that the joint
Is from those standing up

An American from Saint Croix in the Virgin Islands and based in Los Angeles, Jasmin St Claire, 24, fell in love with Brazilian men. She went to Brazil in March to launch The World's Largest Gangbang II, the movie in which she stars, and is going back there this month to shoot another film. This time with Brazilian actors.

Actors? Maybe we are stretching the term a little too much here. St Claire, you see, is a porno star. All the hoopla around her trip to Brazil has to do with the record the blue actress has established after taking in 300 volunteer men — 100 of them penetrated her, the other 200 were only offered oral release — in a little less than ten hours in the above-mentioned work, which in Brazil is being called O Maior Filme do Mundo (The World's Greatest Film). The previous record holding, Anabel Chong, made it with a mere 250 men. Jasmin got $60,000 for her interpretation, a hefty $200 per john.

Inquiring Brazilian reporters didn't disappoint porno fans worldwide. "During the record breaking action have you used any protection for your vagina?" one journalist candidly asked. "During break times I used ice bags over my vagina to alleviate the pain," was the answer.

In an interview with CNT TV, Jasmin, who lists reading French existentialists as one of her hobbies, invited the show host as well as all the spectators to go to bed with her. In her upcoming Brazilian porno flick, St. Claire will not be breaking any records. Only 33 men will be having a close encounter with her.